Same Story, Different Death, No Outrage

So, Rihanna has a new video ("Man Down"), which means there's a media firestorm. It's an amazing look at what every survivor feels at one point in their recovery--the desire for vengeance. But, of course, over concerned parents are bashing it. Parents Television Council, Industry Ears and the Enough Is Enough Campaign are all asking for the video to be banned from airing.

In the video Rihanna kills the man who sexually assaulted her the previous night. Rihanna, having experienced abuse before (whether sexual or not), hasn't killed anyone in real life. Instead this video in my opinion, and from what I can tell Rihanna's, is about a very real emotion that all survivors experience. I call it vengeance, but that's not really it. It's the desire to get back an innocence and power that was once yours. No, you don't have to kill the rapist to do that; but it's certainly a thought survivors have--or at least I know I have.

I, in no way, am condoning murder. It's something that I don't think I could ever be capable of, but it doesn't mean that I haven't wanted to lash out. I understand parents wanting to protect your children. But by not talking about sexual assault parents aren't protecting their kids; parents are just making their kids unprepared (and possibly more susceptible) for the future. The reality is that 1 out of 6 American women will be raped in their lifetime, which means these parents who don't want to talk about the issue probably know at least one survivor.

The other thing that is incredibly startling about this current outrage is a song released almost 20 years ago: Tori Amos "Me and a Gun." In the song, Amos discusses a night where she was violently raped. She talks about the thoughts that ran through her head--places she'd been or places she hadn't yet seen, the fact she sang hymns during the act to survive, and (in case you can't tell by the title) the knowledge that she was going to die.

Luckily for all survivors out there, Amos (co-founder of RAINN) was able to survive because the attacker needed a drug fix. But I don't remember any outrage over this song, granted there was no video other than live performances. How can this be? A painfully vivid commentary where a victim (now a survivor) talks about her attack. Why didn't the parents get outraged at the violence towards a woman? I find it sickening and disturbing that the public is more in arms over the death of an assaulter than they ever were of even a potential death of a victim.

Both artists are giving a voice to a topic that still no one wants to talk about: this crime and assault against all human beings that has only been illegal in all it's current forms for not quite 40 years. Yet still it's the only crime where the victim catches as much heat if not more than the criminal (I mean take the NYC cops who were acquitted all because the victim wasn't "believable" enough).

Both artists give a raw, honest look inside what all survivors feel. The helplessness, tarnished, broken, angry, mutilated mind and soul that first surrounds the survivor before they learn to survive again. We should commend Rihanna for wanting to open this conversation up for young women and men. This video should be applauded for giving a voice to an ever silent epidemic. I, as a survivor, thank both artists for using their platforms to speak out for all of us.