Same Story, Different Death, No Outrage

So, Rihanna has a new video ("Man Down"), which means there's a media firestorm. It's an amazing look at what every survivor feels at one point in their recovery--the desire for vengeance. But, of course, over concerned parents are bashing it. Parents Television Council, Industry Ears and the Enough Is Enough Campaign are all asking for the video to be banned from airing.

In the video Rihanna kills the man who sexually assaulted her the previous night. Rihanna, having experienced abuse before (whether sexual or not), hasn't killed anyone in real life. Instead this video in my opinion, and from what I can tell Rihanna's, is about a very real emotion that all survivors experience. I call it vengeance, but that's not really it. It's the desire to get back an innocence and power that was once yours. No, you don't have to kill the rapist to do that; but it's certainly a thought survivors have--or at least I know I have.

I, in no way, am condoning murder. It's something that I don't think I could ever be capable of, but it doesn't mean that I haven't wanted to lash out. I understand parents wanting to protect your children. But by not talking about sexual assault parents aren't protecting their kids; parents are just making their kids unprepared (and possibly more susceptible) for the future. The reality is that 1 out of 6 American women will be raped in their lifetime, which means these parents who don't want to talk about the issue probably know at least one survivor.

The other thing that is incredibly startling about this current outrage is a song released almost 20 years ago: Tori Amos "Me and a Gun." In the song, Amos discusses a night where she was violently raped. She talks about the thoughts that ran through her head--places she'd been or places she hadn't yet seen, the fact she sang hymns during the act to survive, and (in case you can't tell by the title) the knowledge that she was going to die.

Luckily for all survivors out there, Amos (co-founder of RAINN) was able to survive because the attacker needed a drug fix. But I don't remember any outrage over this song, granted there was no video other than live performances. How can this be? A painfully vivid commentary where a victim (now a survivor) talks about her attack. Why didn't the parents get outraged at the violence towards a woman? I find it sickening and disturbing that the public is more in arms over the death of an assaulter than they ever were of even a potential death of a victim.

Both artists are giving a voice to a topic that still no one wants to talk about: this crime and assault against all human beings that has only been illegal in all it's current forms for not quite 40 years. Yet still it's the only crime where the victim catches as much heat if not more than the criminal (I mean take the NYC cops who were acquitted all because the victim wasn't "believable" enough).

Both artists give a raw, honest look inside what all survivors feel. The helplessness, tarnished, broken, angry, mutilated mind and soul that first surrounds the survivor before they learn to survive again. We should commend Rihanna for wanting to open this conversation up for young women and men. This video should be applauded for giving a voice to an ever silent epidemic. I, as a survivor, thank both artists for using their platforms to speak out for all of us.

Call It What You Will

In February a lawmaker from Georgia recently decided that the language for a complaint about rape, stalking, and domestic violence is too harsh. He proposes that a victim (I call them survivors) be called the "accuser" instead of victim.  

Image pulled from hope4survivors.com

To me this is beyond idiotic. We don't call kidnapping, theft, attempted murder, or physical battery victims "accusers." We call them victims because that's what they are, and to some small minded people it's because we can see or quantify the damage done. But that is true with the above crimes as well, it's just not an item missing. 

Also in January politicians started to try to redefine the actual word rape by rewriting an abortion law. The proposal was to say that abortion would receive no funding except in cases of "forcible" rape. After the years that women have spent to make sure all survivors are treated with the dignity, respect and support they deserve--lawmakers want to negate it all and say only if force is used. Keep in mind not all states have even adjusted "force" to in their laws to include date rape drugs or other narcotics used to eliminate a woman's senses (i.e. too much alcohol).

These proposed play on words are another case of people calling into question crimes against women that no one wants to talk about it. These crimes are dirty, deviant, disgusting, violating and affect a woman for her whole life in one way or another. No one wants to talk about those crimes where victims can talk back; but we, as a society, have to talk about them in order to make change in this world. 

Image pulled from http://victimempowermentsa.wordpress.com/

I hope these proposals are all turned down and not brought up again. A person only has to say the word "no" for it to be rape--and if a person it not able to speak, it's still a "no." It does NOT matter whether a rapist uses drugs, alcohol, body, knife, threat or a gun: It's still rape and a violation of that woman. Lawmakers can call it what the will, but survivors know what happened.

If you or someone you know has been a victim of sexual assault, please call and talk to someone: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or by logging on to the online hotline at http://www.rainn.org/.

Awareness Month?

April is an awareness month for a cause that is very dear to my heart--sexual assault. But I have yet to see a commercial for it; however I have seen other commercials for another cause-Parkinson's disease. I don't take issue with sharing a month; afterall there are more causes in the world than the 12 months the calendar provides. 

But I DO take issue with a cause that can't be prevented getting more (or any) attention to a cause that with enough awareness can protect some human beings from an assault that will stay with them in some way shape or form for the rest of their lives. Parkinson's is a worthy cause and research is very important for those diagnosed to be able to manage the disease or even find a cure. The same is true for MS, cancer, arthritis and any other disease that is incurable but manageable.


Statistics on Parkinson's states that 1 in 272 people are diagnosed with the disease. They also estimate that the number is really 1 in 90 people suffer from the disease but not all are diagnosed. The symptoms and characteristics of this disease increase over time and, until there is a cure, remain with the those diagnosed until death. 

Statistics on sexual assault say 1 out of 6 women are victims/survivors, and 1 out of 33 men are victims/survivors. By all accounts, these numbers are probably low because rape and other sexual assaults are not always reported. The effects of being a survivor of sexual assault include PTSD. PTSD's symptoms and characteristics also last a life time; although they are do not visually present as those of Parkinson's.


During this month I will post several other blogs about sexual assault and do my own part in raising awareness since the media seems to have forgotten. 

If you or someone you know has been a victim of sexual assault, please call and talk to someone: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or by logging on to the online hotline at http://www.rainn.org/.